That one friend...

As I was creeping on some of my friends' Facebook photos, I noticed some interesting patterns about our lives over the past few years. Namely, the differences in what happened to me compared to what was happening to them over those years. Lets take a look: 

1. As the years go on, more pictures are taken. I am in less photos with them.

2. As the years go on, they did more things together. I did less things with them.

3. As the years go on, they start to do more "less" significant things together. I only do the significant things with them (i.e. birthdays, holidays, end of exams, etc.).

4. As the years go on, there are very few things they don't do together. There are a bazillion things I don't do with them.

I'm not sure why that happened. Perhaps my frequency of spending time with my friends stayed the same, but theirs exponentially increased. This lack of growth on my part created a distance that I feel a graph would appropriately demonstrate:

The purple gap represents all of the jokes, goofs, selfies, secrets, and life altering moments that I missed... It's a lot of stuff. 

My antisocial behavior has been less than ideal, but its the way I am. And if my not spending time with my friends wasn't bad enough, I also don't ever contact them....well, hardly ever. I hate talking on the phone, and I don't know where my phone is long enough to send a text most of the time. I suffer from a severe lack of curiosity that prevents me from knowing what is going on in the day to day lives of the people I care about most. Now when something exciting happens, I am only too happy to help them celebrate, and when life is less than kind, I am always there to lend a clean sleeve and stay up for hours on end with tissues, magazines, and ice cream. 

But that just might be the worst kind of friend, I think. Its not that I only care about the "big stuff," its just that I am terrible at remembering to acknowledge the little stuff, too.

When I watch movies or see people around me, girls in particular, when they have their close knit friend group and the people they call on for everything, and hang out with every night, and who make plans around what's going on in each others lives, I am fascinated. In awe, even. I have never had that type of friendship. I have never really had a group of friends who I confided in and who confided in me. No sleepless slumber parties chatting about boys, no meeting in the usual spot, no crazy spring break road trip....the list goes on.

My closest friends probably don't even know that I consider them to be my closest friends because they probably think I have a completely different set of close friends....

SO, I say all of this to say that this week I am challenging myself to reach out to all my friends: my gal pals, my chickadees, my love muffins, my homies. It's about time I, at the very least, let them know that I value our friendship and that I want to hold on to it. And also ask for their forgiveness and patience as I try my best to be better at being a friend all the time....OK, at least once a week.

Here's to using my end of the phone...and to trying not to be THAT friend...

....a year later

A year has passed since I made a declaration to be more social. And like many resolutions, I was not very dedicated to this one. While I did not commit to being more social, I did learn a few things about myself

1. I am a serious introvert.

2. I am outgoing

3. Most people don't get me.


How on earth can someone be outgoing and an introvert? Aren't those things polar opposites? Well, no, they aren't. I pick and choose when I am around people very carefully because it is draining. When I am around others, I do enjoy myself. I get really silly, I dance crazily and sing off key, and this is me sober. I'm not in the least bit shy. But social settings are TIRING! Most days, I would much prefer the comfort of my rocking recliner, a blanket and my knitting needles. THAT is what makes me an introvert.

This year has really helped me realize why my friend count on FB is so high, but the contacts in my phone is so low. A lot of people invite me to hang out, but most of the time I just don't feel like putting forth the energy.


Am I just making excuses for myself? Maybe. But knowing myself has helped me figure out what I need to do differently.

Here's to hoping this year is better than the last.


For those of you who are still confused about what it means to be an introvert, please check out this nice post from Buzzfeed: http://www.buzzfeed.com/video/sararubin/change-the-way-you-look-at-introverts

You and Shmo are now friends

This week/weekend I have really been working on my social skills. The first setting was a Valentine's day event full of artistic expressions of God's love. It was absolutely phenomenal. The individuals that participated on the program were so amazing, and talking to a few of them afterward was so nice to talk to some peers that also love God and are unashamed of expressing that. I talked with three people I didn't know before, and I have graduated to fb friends with all of them (baby steps). I was really nervous as soon as the show was over and people started mingling. I knew quite a few people there, so I started off saying hi to the ones I already knew. I could feel myself getting anxious as I approached the last person in the room that I am already friends with. They were talking to one of the performers, so I figured if nothing else, I could talk about their piece.

It was a very smooth take off and landing from the moment I reached out my hand and said "wow, you're poem was awesome!" I was genuinely amazed by their poem, so the words slid out my mouth naturally, and it was, surprisingly, not awkward.

There seems to be hope for me after all.

Behind the curve

My best friend sent me a text today, in all caps the first word that catches my eyes is "PROGRESS!" He has jumped on the initiative and had a real conversation with a classmate today. The score is Julius-1, Shmo-0.
Not to worry, tonight I will be in a new social environment. I am going to a pre-valentine's day event that one of my friend's orgs is putting on. There will be some familiar faces, but I anticipate I will not know a lot of people there. Lets see if I can power through my painfully awkward exterior...



Wish me luck!

Unawkwardification

Last night I went to a party at a friend's house. I came knowing my friends, and left knowing my friends. At the end of a long night, I realized that with all the people I encountered, I did not meet anybody new. After pondering my social deficiencies with my friend Julius, we have decided to dedicate the last 85 days of my college career to the unawkwardification of my sad social life.

Here's to an awkward struggle!